Renew Recap

My second week at Renew was a LOT more uplifting. I actually got to live at the shelter house where they keep the girls that have been rescued from prostitution and my time there was amazing! I had already met one of the girls the week before when she took us to the bars and since I liked her so much I figured that I would like the others as well. But as I learned about the other girls I realized that it might be a little bit more difficult then I thought. The one that I had met had come the farthest out of all of them. She had been rescued for almost 3 years already, while another girl had only been rescued for a week when I arrived. Another was trauma induced schizophrenic due to the life she's had, 2 of the girls had kids, and several were struggling with depression. I took all this information in on the Jeepney ride to their house and was preparing myself for a really tough week. I prayed for my attitude to be respectful to the girls and to be able to put myself on their level as friends, as they were almost all within a year or 2 of me. I wanted to leave them with the feeling that I cared about them and that I would have a positive impact on them while I was there. But I was pleasantly surprised as I grew to love each of the girls SO much throughout the week making it especially hard to leave. I had so much fun with them that I completely forgot about their pasts and tough lives they had experienced. We bonded over watching "Princess Bride" as they gasped and laughed the whole way through. I immersed myself in their culture and their lives to the point where I ate their prized Balut (fertilized duck egg) to get the "true Filipino experience". I learned a lot of the language and so awesome to see how the simple act of trying to speak to them in their native tongue meant so much to them.

I didn't realize how difficult the language barrier would be for me. I was told that most Filipinos speak English and that it wouldn't be too difficult to communicate. This was true, but since their native tongue is actually Tagalog, that's what they spoke to each other most of the time. They were always laughing and giggling about something and knowing the language would have crated far more opportunities to connect with each other. (Since I've been home I've been trying to learn some Tagalog through youtube videos and it helps a little but I'm hoping to someday get the RosettaStone to do it easier and faster...in case I can come back some day! :] ) Despite this difficulty I wasn't going to give up. Instead of journaling in my room I sat outside with them and tried to speak to them in English and they did their best despite their broken, simple English. I quickly realized that this was the furthest outside of my comfort zone that I've ever felt in my life. I was 3 hours away from anyone that I knew, in a room full of girls who have lived a completely different life from mine, speaking a language that doesn't even resemble anything I've heard before... what did we even have in common? The answer to this question I discovered was "Babies"!! hah. 10 month old Paula was the ice breaker as she

would get us laughing with her adorable giggle and easy going personality. Before we knew it we were taking pictures of each other and making silly faces in every shot. We ended up laughing and goofing around just the way I knew how! From then on we were officially friends. We did the best to communicate but somehow it became far easier after that. They taught me as many words as they could throughout the week, and the girls that spoke better english translated to the others for me.

Being in the Philippines has been one of the best experiences of my life. I learned so much in the short time, and full of ups and downs. The girl that was schizophrenic was difficult to understand as I spent half of the 2nd morning I was there trying to convince her to go to her doctors appointment. It was so important b/c she was on the wrong medication and may be moved to a different house if they couldn't get her to a stable condition. The day ended unsuccessfully and very frustrating as I know I did everything I could apart from dragging her out the door by her arms. I tried to explain the gravity of the situation and the importance of going, but she was very skeptical of me and thought that since I was a student that I would "get a good grade" if I convinced her to go. I told her that I had only been there a few days but cared about her and the other girls very much, and I think that was what resonated with her the most. Although she never made it to the doctor she became more trusting of me after that and was so much more open to me and I really enjoyed how much closer we had become. I wonder what time would of done with that relationship...

That was only one of the conversations that I had while I was there. Throughout the week I was

able to have conversations with the girls about Church, God, America, boys, and spent a lot of time laughing! Each of the girls has an amazing story and I haven't gone a day without thinking about them since I've left. My dream is go back to the Philippines (with enough Tagalog under my belt to be able to understand them)! I don't know how much of a reality it is at this point as I would want to make sure that it is something that is part of God's plan for me. I would want to be able to contribute and be able to be of service beyond just being their friend. I did that. That was the easy part. But would I be able to be able to help them in their emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs as well?

I'm really glad that I was placed with RENEW. It's been so stretching for me and taken me the one step further outside of my comfort zone and onto the stormy, uneasy waters as God was commanding me. Even if I never go back I know that this was exactly the place that I needed to be. It changed me so much and the knowledge I gained from this trip needs to be shared. The situation of prostitution is so sad and angering and would constantly weigh me down with this helpless feeling. But I've been learning to not let these emotions to take over me but instead to ask further questions and learn what can be done to stop this misery from occurring and change the world for even one girl. Now that I've actually seen the issues with my own eyes and I've placed a name and face with the horrible statistics that I could barely comprehend before, I have now felt burdened with the many issues in the Philippines; Orphans. The hungry. The impoverished. Prostitution. They are all people whom God loves and asks us to care for. "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing" -Edmund Burke.

A Whole New World

This blog entry is about what I witnessed of the intense prostitution scene on the street's of Angeles City, Philippines; the #1 city in the country for prostitution. I censored a lot of it, mostly because I didn't even know how to put it into words. Please feel free to ask me in person, I love talking about it and I feel like it's something that needs to be shared.

Here's a clip about RENEW and what they do for the girls of the city. The song at the end of the video is just beautiful! One of their main forms of help they provide is outreach, where they visit the bars where the girls work to try to get them out... which is exactly what I did today.

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Nothing could prepare me for what I would see occur today, the things I would learn, the sadness I would experience, and the most surprising thing of all, how much fun I would have.

My day started by being introduced to a group from YWAM that was there visiting RENEW for the day. We went to visit the city of Pampang, a city feeding off of a dirty, trash filled "river". This was one of the main city's where the girls that become prostitutes come from. RENEW goes to visit these communities to find girls that are at risk to enter prostitution. They hope to

help them and their families economically to prevent them from having to work in the bars. When you see it yourself you realize the severe situation they are in. They truly have nowhere else to turn to survive except prostitution. I came across children digging in the mounds of garbage scavenging for food, and men fishing in the tiny stream that they call a river; lucky if they catch even one fish. It helped me understand the life the girls have come from before I went that night to meet the women in prostitution myself.

I'm so glad that the YWAM group was there that day. They were a really fun bunch that kept the day from getting too depressing. After dinner began one of the most confusing... saddening... angering... greatest nights of my life. Angeles City was literally a whole new world. The 18 of us divided into groups of 4 and 5 and we each had a "guide" to take us through some bars. Our guides were amazing girls who had been rescued from a life of prostitution and took us through the very same bars where they used to work. I can't imagine what that was like for them to be there again. Later they told me that it keeps them forgetting their past and how far they've come. Our guide, only 10 days older then I, had an amazing story whose life of prostitution began at age 13. She has come so far and wants to use her story to help others like herself. She is now going back to school with the help of RENEW, and will study social work so she can do what she can for others that were in her situation. She is so intelligent and such a charming person, and was so great for me to see the real soul of a person that I was watching on stage.

We walked into the first bar and tried to be discreet and get seats in the back, but being the only white females in the entire place, discreetness was not an option. The bar owners, or mommasans, saw us and pulled us to front row seats. My first exposure was to an enormous man that had just purchased 2 girls to take home with him. All the girls could muster were souless smiles as the drunk pig cheered for himself as they walked out the door, the girls with their heads hanging. Nothing too eventful happened for awhile so I just looked around the room, examining the people while the dancers studied us. The men young and old had goofy smiles on their faces while the girls just looked sad. They might flash a smile at a guy and wink at another but their temporary appearance of happiness was replaced by concerned and sad expressions. I could tell how torn they were by their body language. The last thing they wanted was to get picked so some stood in the back trying not to get noticed. But at the same time they knew that they wouldn't get paid unless someone picked them. And sometimes a girl would get picked... and my heart would ache for her. One minute a group of guys are sitting around hanging out, and then the next minute the dreaded lazer pointer appeared on stage and bounced around a few times from girl to girl as the mamasans asked the customers which girls they wanted, only to land on the next victims. It was so barbaric! Even the way the girls are ranked in the bar is so inhuman! Based on how popular the girl is, they are given a different footwear so everyone will know their "quality" and pricing. Black boots are given to the most expensive, white to the middle price, and bare feet for the least expensive... It just makes me sick.

I tried to imagine what the girls could have possibly thought of us being there. Here was a group of 4 American girls that were obviously not here for the same reasons as everyone else. We sipped on our non-alcoholic mango drinks and munched on the popcorn and just observed. Who did they think we were? Did they know about Renew and know why we were here? Did they think we were judging them for their lifestyle? I hope not! I smiled I one and only got a half smile in return. Off to the side I saw an older man receiving a lap dance from one of the girls while a younger man was sitting with his arm around his girl for the night. As I was soaking all this in, the most amazing thing happened... 2 of the girls from the YWAM group came back from the bathroom with 2 of the girls that worked there. After a short chat with them they decided that we needed to hop on stage with them. "WHAT? nooooo... sorry. We cant..." But after MUCH deliberation we decided that it wouldn't hurt. Besides... at this point we were basically being dragged on stage and didn't really have much of a choice anymore! The club immediately transformed from a lonely sad bar to "goofballs gone wild!". One girl even grabbed my camera and started taking pictures, so I have a forever memory of these shenanigans. Everyone was just laughing and dancing around us... I just couldn't stop laughing! (Those pictures will never make it to the internet by the way... I mean, we were dressed appropriately but that wasn't the problem :) hah.) And zooming in on all of the girls faces in the pictures the next day made me so happy. Every single one was laughing or smiling. Whether it was our amazing caucasian dancing skills or they were just happy to be having fun with some new friends, I don't know. But looking back I know that that's exactly what we came to do. We created a judgement free zone and showed them we cared about them.

Sometime during that night, the long, strategically planned phallic shaped balloons (same ones that clowns use at birthday parties) were brought out. The girls used them to shoot around the room at each other, but we turned it into a different kind of fun :) Dogs, flowers, hats, hearts... all of the above were made and more. But our favorite of the night was the Jesus fish that we gave to a few girls before we left. We were having so much fun and we could tell how much they girls were enjoying themselves too. The excitement calmed down a little bit we were suddenly reminded of where we actually there when the laser pointer appeared on stage yet again...

The walk to the next bar was awful and I saw one of the hardest things I've ever had to see in my life. Don't keep reading if you don't want to be as scarred as I was... There were many points in the night when all those came together and I almost burst into tears was when I saw the fear in a young girls face. I looked toward the entrance of one of the bars we were passing and I saw in clear sight a middle aged man that had a small girl by the nape of the neck. He shook her firmly as we past him to keep her from causing a commotion in the midst of her sobs. I would better be able to guess her age if her face wasn't buried in her hands and her face not drenched in tears, but judging by her height she couldn't have been more then 12 years old. I looked at this scene unfolding in front of me. This poor, terrified, innocent girl was being carried of to be raped right before my eyes and there was absolutely nothing that I could do! I don't think I have ever felt more helpless in my entire life!! We were currently on good terms with the bar owners and mamasans, but we would no longer be allowed back if we were to instigate any problems. I haven't been able to get the image out of my head since it happened. Everyone knows rape happens in the world but when I saw it unfolding in front of me it stirred something inside of me that I can't silence. I want to do something for these people but I have no idea what I can do with my minimal skills and lack of experience right now. Although I couldn't do anything for this poor, innocent girl today it did something in me that brought me to reality and is helping me understand how severe the situation actually is. The day left me sad but strangely hopeful. All I wanted to do was go back to those bars and try to make them smile again.

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My next week was far more encouraging as I lived at that shelter home where all of the rescued women live now. And it turned out to be one of the most amazing, special, greatest experiences of my life.

Chill Day #2

I was suppose to leave for RENEW, the agency that rescues women from prostitution, today but due to a few unforsceen issues I wont be leaving till tomorrow, creating another day mostly for myself. It's a Monday so all of the social workers are at work and I got to catch up on journaling and email T'was sweet. I had the day to process and get mentally prepared for the next 4 days of my life. I know it might be intense, but I don't know how much. I dont know how much I can help due to my lack of experience, but I am going to learn a lot this week.

After lunch I went to hang out at the childrens home with the other social workers after they got home. I was hoping my buddy Paulo would remember me and I was overjoyed when he did.

He didn't leave my side all day, and when I walked away for a minute I came back to a confused boy scanning all the faces in the yard until he saw me and ran toward me with arms wide open :D And the most precious moment of the day occured when my very chapped lips started to bleed. My little 4 year old friend ran and got me a tissue and held it on my lip until it stopped. The concern on his face was my favortie as his "big-little" heart shown through. When it had stopped he asked, "better?". Yea buddy... much better :)